When Thinking Feels Safer Than Feeling.

When Thinking Feels Safer Than Feeling.

Have you ever been told, even by your therapist, that you intellectualise your feelings? I have.

At the time, it felt like a criticism. Like I wasn’t “doing therapy right.” It carried an unspoken message: “You’re doing feelings wrong.”

Looking back, I realise how much shame that stirred and whispered, “You’re not enough. You don’t belong here.” I felt unseen, misunderstood, and even more hesitant to explore what lay beneath.

But here’s what I’ve come to understand, especially as a neurodivergent person:

Intellectualising isn’t avoidance. It’s protection.

Why Neurodivergent Brains Think Before They Feel

For autistic and ADHD brains, emotions can be intense, unfiltered, and overwhelming. Our nervous systems may process emotional signals differently. We may also struggle with interoception, so we instinctively reach for logic and analysis to make sense of the storm inside.

And for many of us, shame played a role too. Growing up, we were told we were “too sensitive,” “too much,” or that we were “overreacting.” We learned to tuck feelings away, wrapping them in thoughts instead, replaying conversations, over-analysing what went wrong, or ruminating endlessly on how to “fix” ourselves.{I will share another blog on Rumination soon]

Intellectualising is often a skill we’ve developed for survival. It offers a sense of safety when we feel unsupported and unable to ask for help.

The Risk of Staying Only in Your Head

Thinking helps us understand, but it can’t take us all the way through. It gives us a map, but not the journey. Staying locked in rumination, where anxiety overwhelms wellbeing, can keep us stuck, circling rather than healing.

As Dr Susan Nolen--Hoeksema shares in her book "Women Who Think Too Much", overthinking

"gives you tunnel vision that can only focus on what's wrong in your life. It makes everything look dismal and grey and overwhelming. It drains your motivation to do anything positive."

This isn’t failure, it’s a coping strategy. But it doesn't nor do I believe, should it be, the whole story.

Bridging Thinking & Feeling with Creative Therapy

In therapy, intellectualising is as valid as the feelings tucked underneath it.

Therapy works best when it meets you where you are and with your invite explores ways to feel without fear, shame, or pressure to perform.

Creative approaches like Walk & Talk Therapy, Sand Therapy, and art can help bypass the thinking mind and allow emotions to emerge safely. They offer a soft space where words aren’t needed and feelings can simply exist; safely.

You Are Not Broken

If you’re neurodivergent and find yourself living in your head, know this: Your thinking is a strength. It has helped you survive. But there are also ways to invite emotions in slowly, without being swallowed by them, ways to feel and heal at your own pace.

Because healing isn’t about “feeling more.” It’s about learning to feel safely without fear, without shame, and without losing the beautiful way your mind works.

If you feel inspired or curious about neuro-affirming, creative therapy, I’d love to connect.

Get in touch